E3 Predictions Week: Day 1: Nintendo!

Hey everyone it’s time for E3 predictions!  Think of this as more of an itemized list, some of the topics I will just state, while others I will go into a little more.  I am breaking this into 3 articles because if I did 1 article it would just be: Wii will be about sales figures, Xbox will say they have outsold ps3 which means there better apparently and then Natal, and PS3 had the best year ever for them (which is still worse than everyone else) and then bring forth and onslaught of games.   So this way I can kind of work each one individually.  Enjoy E3 week everyone, feel free to follow me on Twitter @Zackysmack(caps is important  I guess) email me at zackysmack@hotmail.com with any questions or comments you may have, also catch my podcast on podbean or the iTunes store.  If all that tickles you in the right way maybe you might even want to comment on an article or two.

Welcome to E3!....Predictions!

Incidentally I wrote these all last week so if something in here has already happened this week, have no fear I am not just lazy, no, in fact I am right and you can feel free to mark it down as a win for me.

Okay so to do an E3 special on Nintendo is hard for a couple of reasons; 1. I don’t really follow Nintendo during the year which makes this hard, 2. Nintendo are like fucking Ninja’s when it comes to keeping things secret, and 3. This is not a shot at Nintendo as I am trying to keep this pretty unbiased, but they seriously just don’t have that much that is that secret, new, or interesting to talk about.

Welcome to the big show big 'N'

But alright here is probably how it will start, Reggie will come out and read about 3 times more sales figures then is necessary.  Seemly attempting to make us think that because they have up until this point sold more hardware than anyone else, that means they are by far the best platform for games, gamers, and developers.  Which we all know is utter crap sense Playstation 1 outsold the Dreamcast and that was to hell and gone the better platform.  After that is finished up we get into the actual information.

NUMBER 1 – Online Functionality

The start of something great, er well new at least.

Nintendo has talked a lot recently about being more of an online platform and I can respect that.  Being an online platform means a bunch of extra revenue streams and sense Nintendo pretty much bled their primary steam dry, they need new ones.  So I think that in their E3 press conference Nintendo will announce enhanced online functionality for their console, this will build on the popularity of Monster Hunter Tri which apparently was the game that showed Nintendo that online is fun and does sell games.  I am talking about the possibility of an actual friends list with game joining and chat.   I know what you’re thinking, that that is wayyyyyy to forward thinking for the Wii.  Well remember everyone, they’re hurting right now, the bubble has officially burst and on their current course there heading for financial issues in no time.  Sense the Wii HD is but a theory on the horizon they have to start doing something more with this one, other than making it black, hence the reason I think that out of self preservation they will be forced to start some sort of online component.

NUMBER 2 – GAME ANNOUNCEMENTS

So Nintendo needs good games, and I mean badly, they need games that can re-energize and re-interest core gamers in the console if it is to sustain itself over the next 3 years.  So I think the bulk of the middle section of their presentation will be focused on some of their new games.

Look at this fake boxart, it's not even funny, fuck you Nintendo.

Pikman 3; the Pikman series actually did pretty good on the Wii and the gameplay lends itself to the Wii-mote pretty well actually.  Especially with the new fancy Wii-motion plus you should be able to accurately control your Pikman.  I also think that Pikman 3 will have online features and Miyamoto will have his stamp all over the game as well.  Expect this one to come early in presentation to get the crowd a little more excited about it before they bring out the big guns.

Legend of Zelda; Alright well this is a big gun, the last one was game of the year back in 06(05? 07?) regardless this is a hotly anticipated title.  I mean not for me, but for most people who like playing the same thing over again every 2 years this game is a big deal.  This is your big middle reveal; I expect a trailer and some gameplay footage for this one, even if the game won’t hit for a year Nintendo can still ride the wave of it.  Do not under any circumstances expect anything new with this, it will pretty much be exactly what you expect, but as God of War taught us, sometimes that isn’t a bad thing.

Unrelated Samus Aran Picture.

Meroid A.K.A. Project M; So Nintendo has been building this for the better part of 2 years now, or at least it’s assumed they have.  Honestly trying to find information about internally developed projects (that would be the collection of rouge’s and assassin’s known only as RD1) at Nintendo is about as hard as getting the Death Star Plans, and unfortunately I don’t have any Bonthan spies.  This creates a virtual black hole of information, what I can tell you is that Nintendo’s RD1 is working together with Team Ninja on this one, which I am not sure if words can describe how completely un-normal that is for Nintendo.  This implies that the game will be rated Mature, and probably ditch the FPS look for 3^rd person action title that will most likely have a higher emphasis on platforming then previous titles.  Expect that game to almost have an Uncharted feel.  I also think this will come at the very end of the press conference, something big to go home with, because I feel that this will arguably be there biggest announcement of E3, I also expect to see gameplay, albeit brief.

NUMBER 3 – 3DS….OR WHATEVER.

Artists rendering of Nintendo 3DS

So regardless of what Nintendo is going to call this thing, it is going to be a huge part of their presentation.   It’s no secret that Nintendo pretty much owns the handheld market, there sales in Japan alone are enough to control the world.  So the next iteration of the platform will be a big deal, and I expect to be able to hold and play it in 3D at E3.  In fact when you get to the Sony E3 post you will see why I think handhelds are going to be even more of a war this year than in previous years.  But yes overall expect an official hardware unveiling, a name, a price, a release date, and a software lineup for launch.

NUMBER 4 – PERIPHERALS

It's one purpose? To be a constant supply of vaguly sexual images.

A heavy emphasis of the Wii model is on the sale of add-on peripherals, a while back we had the Wii-Vitality sensor announced and I expect this to be pushed at the press conference, showing off new ways to use it, and probably some sort of Wii-fit integration, as well as a way to use it with your DS’s.

I also think there will be an official sword thing for your wii-mote from Nintendo and that this will go directly with the new Legend of Zelda.

NUMBER 5 – S.W.A.G.

Once played a Sniper named Swagger.

Sophisticated Wild Ass Guess; the backbone of E3 is of course the completely ridiculous predictions; this show would be no fun if everyone knew everything and everything made sense.  So here are the final bits of my predictions; the fun ones that shouldn’t be taken too seriously but probably could happen…maybe.

New Luigi game:  Luigi’s Mansion is one of the real gems of the Gamecube, sure the character isn’t as well known as Mario but neither of them really has definite cannon to what you can and can’t do with them.  I think Nintendo is going to start to recognize that there are a bit too many Mario games out there.  So whats the best way to solve that problem?  Make another Luigi game, it doesn’t have to be Mansion 2, but I think now would be the perfect time to let Luigi come out of the shadow and star in something that is unique to him.  Mario went to space, maybe Luigi can go….underwater….yeah there you go.  So announced at E3 this year will be: Super Luigi Deep Sea Wii.

Fire Emblem:  Also a pretty good series of turn-based RPG’s, I expect the next one to be announced at E3 this year.  Not because it really deserves it, but more because they need some new blood.

Obviously not this Wii Fire Emblem, but like a new one.

This one is weird, I know, but I think that Call of Duty Black Ops will be shown off to some degree at E3 this year, the Wii will want to showcase a ‘hardcore’ game on their console and Black Ops is just the one to do it.

Kid Icarus: I think it’s been something like 2 years sense people thought this game was being made, but at this year’s show you’re going to actually see it, or at least have a reconfirmation that it is being made.

Look concept art from 2007, fucking confirmed.

Mario Kart:  A big franchise for them, it’s been a year so they best get the next one out.

Here is my big S.W.A.G. for the day, this is the one bombshell that I realistically think could drop and if it does it will make some big damn ripples.  Based on the Metal Gear Touch concept, I think they will get a stripped down version of Rising.

I really hope it's called 'The Last Snake'.

So there you have it, my list of E3 for Nintendo, be sure to check back tomorrow for the 360 write up, sure to feature plenty of *meh*.  In a couple of weeks you can print out your copy then sit down in front of your computer and see what  I was and wasn’t right about.  Hell by the time this is published some of it might have already happened, as its going up about 7 days after I wrote it.

Peace.

E3 Week is Coming!

Hey everyone just a quick reminder, next week will be E3 week here at Zacky Knows It All.  Monday night at around 7pm Central time my Wii predictions will be going up, same time Tuesday night my 360 predictions will be going up, and then same time Wednesday night my PS3 predictions will be going up.  So come back everyday for another 5 pages of E3 predictions, broken down into, hardware, software, firmware and S.W.A.G. which are my total shots in the dark.  Anyways yeah its a theme week, three days of content, enjoy everyone!

Peace

(Not weekly)News roundup, May 10th edition.

Hey everybody it’s time for a news roundup (dropping the ‘weekly’ from the title for obvious reasons) as we get closer to E3 the amount of news starting to leak out is fricken ridiculous so I figured it was my duty to start sifting through some of it.  Although I will be clear that this is not E3 predictions, this is just de-bunking things in the news right now.  As always make sure to follow me on Twitter for work related hilarity @zackysmack, or hit up my email zackysmack@hotmail.com for any questions comments or concerns you may have, and last but not least you can find my podcast on the iTunes store by searching ‘Zacky knows it all show’ or catch it on podbean.  So take part in the Zacky community folks.

As fair and balanced as Fox News.

LittleBIGPlanet 2 first looks hit the intertubz today.  Verdict: I am still grinning

Like this, only with a '2'.

I remember when I got LBP, I was really excited to play it and even more excited to jump into the online world and start making stuff.  Well after the first few days I realized the controls were lacking somewhat which really hurt the whole platforming aspect of it and the creation tools were….how can I put this….about as difficult as trying to have sex with someone while wearing a chastity belt, yeah that metaphor works pretty well.   Some people made great things (which the admin’s promptly deleted) but most people didn’t, most people tried to make one to two levels and then just gave up and played levels made by those select few with enough crippling social skill issues to actually make a vaguely playable level.  That is not to say it’s a bad game, on the contrary it was a brilliant game, the ideas and concepts it opened people up to were nothing short of incredible, it was fun and cute, and generally made everyone feel pretty comfortable with playing it.  But as far as delivering on its promise of fun easy tools that would let anyone make God of War in a night, well in that aspect it fell woefully short of expectations, much like Bionic Commando – ZING!

$10 at Best Buy, no shit, cheaper then Haze.

A sequel was inevitable, the game sold well and is currently in Meta-critics top 10 games (which technically mean absolutely fucking nothing), so today the first batch of screens, trailers, previews, and website launches hit the net and I spent a good part of my morning reading through them.  Now because of what I listed in the first paragraph I think it’s safe to say I was somewhat skeptical of the sequel, but for once my lack of editing skills comes in handy as ‘was’ is the proper word to use here.  I am excited for this game, no let me rephrase that, I have been smiling sense 9am this morning when I read what I read.  The depth to the toolset that is now being created is, to quote Ghandi ‘Totally fucking insane’ (Editors note:   Ghandi should be replaced with Alex Evans from Media Molecule.)

In my defense he kind of looks like Ghandi.

Let me just give you a short list here; dynamic camera angles, programmable NPC bots, CPU chips to allow programmable vehicles and events, ability to record voiceovers, ability to design cutscenes, and web integration with your own sub-domain so you can link people levels to download on facebook and shit.  That is just the new features they listed today, what this means for the idiots out there is that it’s no longer a platforming game that allows you to make more platforming games.  It is now a platforming game that lets you make any game.  The adjustable camera allows for top down shooters, top down racers, and RTS games.   The NPC’s and cutscene integration allow you to make story driven games as well as RPG’s.  I could go on but honestly it will be more fun if you just think of things you can do yourself.  Layers of complexity are not all that has been added however, they have simplified and streamlined the toolset.  The biggest thing is the CPU however, now you no longer require a 1600’s style set of switches to make something work, the  CPU allows you to engineer whatever you want, hell you can change the control scheme around if you want and implement(please don’t) SIXAXIS.

Seriously do not use it.

The long and short is that the level of new stuff is so impressive that I am excited for this game all over again, my mind is already racing with things to do in the game, and this time it might actually be possible.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 comes with a DVD that teaches you how to play. Verdict: That is the dumbest and smartest thing I have ever heard.

Okay, I don’t like Nintendo, I especially don’t like the Wii, mostly because it’s a children’s toy for children and old people, and it is not a video game console.  It dropped that moniker about a year ago, and if you disagree then you can fuck right off and go back to writing Samus fan-fic you useless fanboy idiot.  So when Nintendo said there going to include a DVD with SMG2 that teaches you how to waggle your remote and hit ‘A’, you probably expected me to be spewing all kinds of hate towards the little white (black now too) box.  Get ready for a shock here because I actually think it’s a good idea, sure initially I sat and made fun of it with my roommate for literally hours, but after a few days to think about it I start to see why this is a good idea…..well sort of.

Pictured Above: A Good Idea.

You see Nintendo, for all they do that pisses me off, still will drive the industry on occasion, and sometimes in a positive way.  In this case Nintendo helped pave the way for motion control, and although I am not a fan of the Wii mote, I am warming up the PS Move and project Natal as being effective ways to actually help video games at least be more accessible to the average folk.  With development costs spiraling out of control like my lingering connection to human beings, there is a point where the gamer nation is going to have to accept a certain amount of casual gamer pandering is required to fuel Call of Duty 900.  So in that regard the idea of a disc to help parents and their children learn how to play a game that is significantly more complicated than that boxart lets on, is something that I am more or less behind.  In the end the disc in theory is a good idea that will help people not to be so frustrated, but theory, as John Oppenheimer learned, is a dangerous thing that can sometimes blow up in your face.

IN THE FACE!!!!

Now that was obviously the reasoning behind ‘Smartest’ now the reason it is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.  To put it quite simply; the DVD doesn’t actually work in the insanely unpowered Wii.  That’s right folks, people who are already technically retarded will crack open there game case and see a handy instructional DVD.  They will then put that DVD into their Wii at which point nothing will happen, said people will then most likely take the game back to the store and complain that they got a corrupt disc.  This will begin a horrible cycle of buying and returning and general levels of frustration.  Let’s assume eventually you figure out the disc needs to go into a DVD player, in order to really use the disc you will then have to have two tv’s in your living room or wherever you’re playing, in order to see the instructions and be able to apply them to the game.  So what family with the level of retardation required to need this disc is going to have two independent tv’s in their main family room?

These people are certainly retarded enough.

Overall the concept is good at its base level but like most things Nintendo, it’s just that: a concept, a poorly realized idea that someone at Nintendo had a few months back and no one else bothered to put any thought into.

Remedy has said there entire studio depends on Alan Wake doing well.  Verdict: Why is it on 360 then?

Admittedly a cool box.

Alan Wake has been getting great reviews, praising the story and atmosphere of the game as well as the interesting innovations in lighting and gameplay mechanics.  Okay sunshine, what kind of game does that sound like to you?  ‘3^RD Person action Zack’ No shit, I mean what console do you assume a game with those attributes will be on?  The obvious answer is PC, which isn’t even a console you idiot, it’s no surprise that Remedy has always been a PC developer.  Those snobby pricks with high end gaming rigs love to brag about interesting and innovative games that seem to flourish on their platform, but if we then eliminate the PC’s from the mix what happens?  When you think of games that take risks with different story telling techniques, different gameplay mechanics, and main characters with traits that vaguely resemble humans, do you typically then think of those games being associated with the 360?  No of course not, the 360’s bread and butter are hardcore FPS.  See that’s my point here, this game is too interesting to be on the 360.

See its interesting and new, and also not real.

Now this isn’t just a strong PS3 bias that I have been accused of having, and still maintain that I don’t have, (Seriously I crucify Sony regularly) speaking here.  I am honestly trying to help Remedy out because I love Remedy; they made Max Payne which is one of my favorite game series of all time.  Earlier last week they stated that they pretty much staked the entire company on Alan Wake, which if you consider it’s a 360 exclusive title and the questions I posed above then you begin to see why I don’t understand the decision to bet your future on a 360 game.

I am honestly just trying to help Remedy because as far as I know they have no allegiance to Microsoft Game Studios, this was just a decision they made a few years ago.  Ditch the PC which must have been tough for them, and considering it started development about 5 years ago, the decision to dump the PS3 would have been painfully fucking easy.  So what was left?  Well the 360 of course, it’s essentially a PC anyways.  Hence the reason it’s on the 360, Remedy isn’t getting a lot of money for this, as apparent by the in game advertising and Remedy’s statement of ‘We will be out of business if it doesn’t sell well.’  So in the end there depending on the 360’s owners group to want to go out of their way to try something completely new and interesting.  Which is why I am nervous for Remedy, the 360 crowd isn’t into the whole ‘interesting’ or ‘new’ section of games.  That’s more of a PC and PS3 thing; see Braid, Trine, Heavy Rain, S.T.A.L.K.E.R., LittleBIGPlanet, and Demon’s Souls.

In case you didn't know, STALKER is pretty fucked.

Overall my suggestion is that Remedy will probably break even on the 360, but honest to god if they ported it to PS3 I would guess that more PS3 gamers would take a leap on it then 360 gamers.

Call of Duty: Black Ops, or Medal of Honor?  Verdict: *Shrug*

No seriously I haven’t played either one of them so I have no idea which one is better; I don’t think anyone knows which one is better.  But that hasn’t stopped those questions from being raised has it?  At this point we have one Black Ops trailer that is 45 seconds of 1 second cuts, and two Medal of Honor trailers that are just cutscene’s.  Other than that, we know Treyarch is making BO which is typically the kiss of death for any game, and we know EALA is making Medal of Honor, and they typically make RTS games.  So fuck it you know?  Neither of these companies really deserve to be making either of these games anyways so I am just going to have no expectations and hopefully be surprised in a couple of months when I will most likely buy them both.

Although I am probably getting this one first.

The rest of you are invited to do the same, or most likely, go to forums and talk about who sucks more cock; Activision or EA because in the end that is all that really matters anyways isn’t it internet?

Miyamoto tells gamers that the Wii is an online platform; then lies more.  Verdict: It’s ranting time!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh my god I don’t like Miyamoto very much at all, he is like Phil Harrison used to be at Sony in my opinion.  He is kind of a face they wheel out so everyone will be star struck but the second you actually ask him a question his entire moniker falls apart like an argument about Chuck Norris.  He will always provide the dumbest possible answer, and then probably contradict that answer with an even dumber one.  Granted he is not speaking his native language and native Japanese translates to English about as well as Megan Fox translates to my penis.  But if that was really the issue they probably would have just gotten him a fucking translator by now.

Needed: A Fucking Translator.

No the issue here is that he is a gamer maker and an average one of those at that, that has somehow gotten into a PR roll with Nintendo where he is forced to answer questions that are well beyond his knowledge base.  When people talk to Cliffy B they ask him how much bigger and more badass his next game is going to be, to which he replies ‘totally fucking bigger, totally fucking badass….er’ and that’s the end of it.  They do not then ask him about EPIC games 5-year online console and pricing strategy because ‘bigger and more badass’ no longer applies.  Miyamoto not only gets asked those questions, he typically feels he is qualified to answer them.  I don’t care if Nintendo saw fit to move him up into some sort of director’s position with the company, it’s at best a figurehead spot he was given to say thanks for all his years of loyal service.

So when asked today about Nintendo’s online strategy he replied that Nintendo is not playing catch up in online features, they are in fact right with everyone else and Nintendo would love it if every Wii was connected to the internet all the time.  Well if that was the case then why didn’t they come with Ethernet ports?  Surely autoconfigured ports are easier then setting up wireless on the Wii?  360’s are the same price and they have an Ethernet port, and a fucking harddrive, although curiously no wireless.  Anyone who says the Wii is an internet ready machine that can match up to Xbox Live and the PSN is an idiot or Miyamoto, who is also an idiot.  Just because you finally released a game with multiplayer functionality (Monster Hunter Tri for the uneducated unwashed masses out there) does not mean you are now an ‘online’ console.  Much like Wii speak does not mean you have headset capability (which no joke is an argument he made a year ago).

Not a goddamn headset.

The thing that pisses me off about it more than anything else is that, simply put you let him get away with it, and by ‘you’ I mean those ‘real’ gaming journalists.  When Gabe Newell, Bobby Kotick, Dr. Z, Peter Moore, or literally anyone else in the industry is asked the kinds of questions that Miyamoto is asked, those people respond with good intelligent answers and if they don’t the interviewer proceeds to ask them more questions and generally make them look stoopid.  Notice that some of those people are lower on the totem pole then Miyamoto is now and we still expect them to have answers.  The gaming journalists of the world never ever ask him the tough questions, nor do they go after him when he has the wrong answer, it’s like there too star-struck or too nice or too envious or whatever the reason.  However, I guess its okay that no one else cares because I am pretty sure this shit only really bothers me…..and Garnett FUCKING Lee!

Recognize

The best part is later in the same fucking interview Miyamoto said that Nintendo’s online platform is in fact so ridiculously goddamn good that they should probably start charging people to use it.  Yeah that would be great because we could all laugh at the 5 dollars that would bring in monthly from like the 10 people using their Wii’s online to play Animal Crossing.  Whatever, so Miyamoto said something dumb and Nintendo online model is good for 1 of the 5000 games on the system, what an earth shattering announcement by me, next I might tell you that the Sun is hot, or that Bruno Ganz plays a mean Hitler.

One mean Hitler.

Peace